Climbing is a strange past time in that when out climbing for the day you actually spend very little time climbing. Packing your gear, selecting a crag, finding a climbing partner, walking to the crag, descending to the base, gearing up and setting up belays can all be lengthy (though not entirely unenjoyable) activities that necessarily precede anyone actually starting a climb. However this all takes time and like a test match where the ball is actually in play for about 15 minutes a day the amount of time spent climbing becomes quite small. Indeed we can all recall occasions where a whole day can enjoyably spent climbing one single pitch route or even in extreme circumstances not climbing anything at all.

Sometimes this can be the result of genuine circumstances, long queues on a classic, poor weather, forgotten gear and inability to locate the crag can all drastically reduce climbing time but a more invidious factor is faffing.

Faffing is a difficult activity to define because by its nature it really doesn't achieve anything. It is also a relatively new word etymologically speaking so hasn't made its way into many dictionaries yet. However though we need not define it we all know what it is.

Faffing is particularly relevant to climbing because as mentioned above a climbing day can be broken into many different elements of preparation, execution and resolution each one of which can be preceded, succeeded and even replaced by a level of faffing. In this way you can spend a whole day in the Peaks or at Pembroke and only get one or two routes done and yet be fully occupied all day.

Faffing opportunities really start even before you arrive on the meet. If you have arranged to climb with someone then the partner faff can be avoided. This is the situation where folk buzz around the campsite at breakfast trying to find a partner or dump an existing partner if a superior offer is on the cards. In this way loose allegiances are made broken and remade a bit like the UN during the Suez crisis. Even having a prearranged partner does not immunise you from this as long standing arrangements have been known to be discarded on the day. So while you are smugly enjoying your second cup of java and tucking into another helping of country ham beware that you may be losing your partner. The best way to avoid this faff is to buttonhole your partner and take them off to the crag early before they are tempted elsewhere.

For those not partnered up there are a host of considerations that can generate significant faff time. Who has got a rack of gear? Who has a rope? How are we getting to the crag? Who can lead? Am I being mean in not taking a new person out? What am I going to have for lunch?

Inevitably this faff will then merge into faff number 2, where to climb. In some places this is relatively simple. A good example here is the Roaches where all the climbs are relatively close together and so there aren't really many decisions to make. If you are camping nearby or staying in the Whillans hut then transport will not be an issue either. At the other extreme Cornwall has a large number of crags that are relatively remote from one another with very different styles of climbing. Thus a wrong decision here can lead to some seriously nasty tidal sandbags. Thus faff number 2 will see huddles of people pouring over guidebooks trying to find something that:

a. Has a good range of grades

b. Is not multipitch as there will inevitably be people climbing as a 3

c. Is not tidal

d. Won't be too busy

In the case of Cornwall this normally means everyone troops off to Bosigran again after an hour of tortured wrangling.

It is then time for Faff 3, the gear faff. Obviously on sport routes the gear faff is reduced but on long trad climbs you can waste serious time here. This is especially true where there is an ab into the route as you will need an ab rope. Combined with this is the question of the guidebook. For some areas the club seems to be well populated with guidebooks but for the more marginal areas these can be priced above rubies. As we all know not having a guidebook is really not an option so the delicate allocation of this scarce resource can be the subject of several pained minutes deliberation.

Then there is faff 4, getting to the crag. As mentioned previously in some areas this is really not a problem but in other places it can be significant. Many's the time that a confident party will sally forth in their car when 20 minutes later the driver will say "Err does anyone know where we are going?" Combined with this will normally be a shop stop where one person stopping for a sandwich will entail the whole carload going into the shop and spending an aggregate of £50.

Finally the crag is reached and faff number 5 is started. This involves much anxious peering at the guidebook to check that one is at the right place and that the routes so optimistically selected that morning don't look like horrible gnarly sandbags.

Even when the climb has started there is still scope for ongoing faffs. One of the best and most irksome for a leader is the two-seconds faff when climbing as a three. The way this goes is a follows:

Alice leads the climb with Bob belaying. She reaches the top and sets up the belay and then pulls in the blue rope to bring Eve up. Eve then shouts "Just putting my shoes on" and the "Just tying on!" While Alice sits freezing her bezongas off in a howling gale. Finally Eve comes up and then it is Bob's turn, "Just putting my shoes on and tying on!" Had it not occurred to Eve and Bob that as Alice reached the top they might have to climb imminently?

As one can see there are several factors which combine to produce a decent faff and these can be roughly summarised into a mathematical equation. Defining the following variables:

1. Number of climbers on meet C

2. Number of leaders L

3.Number of guidebooks G

4. Number of crags nearby N

5. Median distance to the crag in miles D

6. Sport or trad climb (Boolean variable) S Sport=1, Trad=0

7. Tea shop en route to crag (Boolean) T Yes=1 No=0

The faff factor (FF) in minutes can then be calculated by the following equation:

FF= C * (C/L) - (20 * S) + (40 * T) + (N * D/ G)

Thus as mentioned before a large trip to Cornwall (typically an Easter learn to climb meet) will have an enormous amount of faffing whereas a singls pair at the Roaches will have virtually no faffing. An interesting special case is Fontainebleau. At first glance it would appear that bouldering is virtually faff-free but cast your mind back to Easter and you will recall that a large meet managed to generate a very substantial faff, simply due to the number of people involved. Contrast this to long Alpine sports routes which are typically done by small groups and normally involve very little faffing.

The moral of this is that in order to minimise the faff and have a proper day's climbing you should try and stick to these points:

1. Have a prearranged climbing partner

2. Have a plan of where to go and what to climb, though one should also have a backup plan should factors (weather, business of the crag etc) dictate against the first choice

3. Ensure that you know where the crag is and how to get there

4. Get a guidebook 5. Make sure you have everything you need before setting off

6. Don't waste time on the climb itself, think ahead about getting ready to climb

There is a certain humorous element in how much time people can spend faffing but there is a serious side too. On a big mountain route (and yes some folk do them) efficient climbing and time management can be equally important as climbing ability. Sloppy mountaincraft and time wasting can be killer, if you waste 5 minutes per pitch on a 12 pitch route it will put an hour on your day. This can be the difference to a pleasant walk down in the gathering gloaming and a horrible scary epic as you try and knock off the last gnarly pitch in the dark.

Iceman